After the Honeymoon
by xxJust Robinxx
Summary: Everything leading up to the wedding seems like bliss. but what happens AFTER the honeymoon? Is wedded bliss all it's really cracked up to be? Originally written as a drabble for "Tea-bagging Twilight Contest."
1. Chapter 1

**Days after the Honeymoon: 1**

"Baby, I love you."

"You're my life now, I love you, too."

"I'm glad I chose to spend forever with you, Edward."

"Me too, Bella."

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 10**

"Babe? Did you know you left your underwear on the floor after you got out of the shower?"

"I'm sorry, Hon. Forgive me. I'll remember to pick up after myself for now on.

"Thanks, Edward. I love you."

"I love you too, B."

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 15**

"Jesus Christ, Woman. Fuck, right there! Oh, yeah."

"Faster, baby. You feel so good inside me. Fuck me harder!"

"I love you, God I love you."

"I never want this feeling to end. I love you, too!"

xx

"You ready to do it again."

"Yes!"

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 180**

"Hey, Hon? Can you help me at the grocery store this afternoon?"

"I really wanted to watch this game, Babe."

"We really need to get our shopping done for the week. It won't take that long."

"Can it wait until after the game?"

"Yeah, baby. It can wait? You watch your game."

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 365**

"Can you believe we have been married for a year already? It's flown by so quickly!"

"All I can believe is that you get more beautiful every day. I didn't think I could love you anymore than I did on our wedding day, Bella. But I was wrong. I love you more and more each day.

"Edward, you are the sweetest, kindest, most romantic man. You always know just what to say. Today, I don't think I could love you anymore than I do, but tomorrow I will wake up and love you more than I did today."

Xx

"I can't ever get enough of you, Bella. You're just perfect for me. The way I fit inside you…it's like you are calling me home. I'll love you forever!"

"Oh my God, Baby. I'm coming again, don't stop…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Days after the Honeymoon: 545**

"Do we have to listen to Dave Mathews band _all_ the way to my parents house? It's a three hour drive. It sounds like the same song over and over again!"

"Bella, how can you even say that? You know how much I love Dave! Plus, it's _totally_ NOT the same song. This is Number 41 from Red Rocks. The last song was Number 41 from The Gorge."

"Edward, that is stupid. If they are the same song, how the fuck can they sound different?"

"Well, at Red Rocks, it's more up-tempo, has a better saxophone solo because Tim Reynolds is playing."

"And at The Gorge?"

"In the Gorge version, Bela Fleck is playing the banjo. DUH! See, they sound totally different."

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 546**

"Baby, come over here. Why are you all the way over there on the other side of the bed?"

"Edward! We can't do that _here_. My parents will hear, or worse yet walk in on us!"

"Maybe your Mom and Dad will learn something from the Master."

"…"

"Babe! Come on—don't be that way. Turn back over and look at me! Don't be mad."

"…"

Xx

"I'm sorry I ignored you, Edward."

"It's okay. I'm sorry I suggested having sex at your parent's house."

"I'm sorry I overreacted."

_…Kiss…_

"I love you, babe. Never go to bed angry, remember?"

"I love you, too."

"You still wanna do it?"

"We have to be super quiet."

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 730**

"Happy anniversary, Bella."

"Edward, I can't believe you did all this!"

"Of course, nothing is too good for my Baby!"

"The roses, the dinner, the diamond earrings…it's all so beautiful."

Xx

"God, baby. I love your mouth on me."

"Mmmm."

"Keep going...just like that…fuck, Bella. I'm coming…uhhggg…"

Xx

"Edward!

"Ohhhh…

"I'm…oh…again!"

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 740**

"Edward! Why is the gas tank in the car empty? You drove it last night, didn't you notice the gas light was on? Now I'm going to be late for work!"

Xx

"Damn, Bella! Do you really need to DVR every fucking show on Food Network?"

"Do you need to tape every episode of NCIS forty-seven times?"

Xx

"Bella? Do you know we haven't made love in three days?"

"I'm on my period, Edward."

"I don't care, babe!"

"Edward! That's weird and gross!"

"Not tonight, Baby. I love you."

"Yeah, me too."


	3. Chapter 3

**Days after the Honeymoon: 1,000**

"Dammit, Edward! You left the toilet seat up again."

"No, you forgot to put it back up when you were done, babe."

Xx

"I thought I told you to fold the towels into thirds."

"You did, but I don't like them that way, so I just folded them in half."

"Edward, I don't ask for that much. Can't you just do what I ask once?"

"Why do we always have to do it your way?"

Xx

"You wanna have sex tonight?"

"I'm pretty tired, but I guess we can if you make it quick."

"Sweet! Thanks , Hon.

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 1005**

"Why can't you remember to pick up your fucking underwear, Edward?"

"Why do you have to nag me about every little thing, Bella?"

"Who needs kids when I already have one?"

"Yeah, because you are a fucking peach all the time."

xx

"Wake up, Edward. You're snoring."

"_grmppf_."

"Edward, come on. I can't go to sleep!"

_fart_

_"_Jesus, Hon! What the hell did you eat? I wish my mother would've warned me about the sounds and smells men make BEFORE getting married.

"I'm going to the guest room."

_snore_

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 1030**

"Son of a bitch! _Edward_!"

"Why the fuck are you screaming, Bella?"

"Because I just stepped in dog shit, that's why!"

"Oh. That's gross, babe."

"Well, why the fuck didn't you clean it up, Edward?"

"I didn't see it. He must have just done it."

"It's dried and matted to the carpet! I doubt he just did it. You have been home all day. Didn't you let him out?"

"I….."

"You wanted that damn dog, but I always get stuck cleaning up after it."

"See, babe. This is why we shouldn't have kids."

"You're a moron, Edward."

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 1095**

"Here's to three years of marriage, cheers!"

"Crap, I forgot my wallet, Bella. Can you pay?"

"Really, Edward."

"What, I had to change pants when I got home before we left for dinner. I forgot."

"What a romantic anniversary…"

Xx

"Thanks, babe. That was great."

"Did you just thank me for sex, Edward?"

"Yeah! Since we don't do it much anymore."

"At least one of us was satisfied."


	4. Chapter 4

**Days after the Honeymoon: 2020**

"Looks like you get a special treat, Buddy. Since Daddy decided not to call and let me know he was going to be late, you get his steak."

Xx

"Sorry I'm late, babe. I stopped off at the pub with Emmett after work.

"I'm starved, what's for dinner?"

"Buddy and I had steak and Au Gratin potatoes."

"You are cooking for the dog now?"

"No, Edward, he really enjoyed _your_ steak though."

"Huh!?"

"I'd call next time, _Honey_."

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 2035**

"I think I'm ready."

"For…?"

"A baby. You're a big boy now- all grown up. Surely you can handle Daddy Duty."

"You said _doodie_."

"I stand corrected."

* * *

**Days after the Honeymoon: 3650**

"You promised."

"I did no such thing."

"Last time you said you would take a shower first."

"Did I? My mistake."

"Seriously, it's not so much the taste as the smell; especially after you just got done working out at the gym."

"Look who's suddenly a cockknobbling connoisseur."

"It's common courtesy!" That's it- I'm going to go make tea. What you do with…_that_…is your problem."

"Come on, Bella! I'll take a shower ok?"

xx

"Ok, baby. I'm squeaky clean and lemony fresh."

"I'm having a cup of tea, Edward. It's my favorite, the Oolong.

"I don't know why you like that stuff. Tastes like baboon piss if you ask me."

"I didn't."

"Alright babe, I'm _ready_ for you to make it rain,"

"Hmm, sometimes it just seems like _hail_ to me."

"Jesus, babe. You are twisting kinda hard. Ease off-

_"Bella! Owww…."_

"Aww, Edward-looks like there won't be any rain today, honey- only sunny skies! Next time, wash that shit off BEFORE you stick it in my face, asshole!"

* * *

This was the original one-shot version: Similar to day 3650, but not exactly the same.

"You promised."

"I did no such thing."

"Last time you said you would take a shower first."

"Did I? My mistake."

"Seriously, it's not so much the taste as the smell; especially after you just got done working out at the gym."

"Look who's suddenly a cockknobbling connoisseur."

"It's common courtesy!" That's it- I'm going to go make tea. What you do with…_that_…is your problem."

And with that, she stands, and is out the door.

_Shit!_

Now my dick is angry with me, and my balls are none too happy either.

"Come on, Bella! I'll take a shower ok?" I shout, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't hear me. I race through my shower, paying extra special attention to my sac. If I'm lucky, my girl will forgive me and give me a little dip action.

Ten minutes later I'm standing in the kitchen, dried and buck-assed naked.

"Ok, baby. I'm squeaky clean and lemony fresh." Bella stands at the kitchen island dunking a five dollar tea bag into her steaming mug. She loves that _Oolong_ shit, but I think it tastes like baboon piss.

"And?"

"I'm ready for you to make it rain," I say pointing to my rod.

"Hmm, sometimes it just seems like hail to me." My girl, always with the jokes. She sets her cup down and saunters over. She's on her knees instantly. She grabs my cock, but it's a little rough. She's twisting it like Hershey's weaves Twizzlers.

"Jesus, babe. Ease off."

But that only makes it worse. Her mouth is on me like stink on pink. It feels like she's imitating one of those Dyson things, the one with the ball. My nut is in her mouth and there is nothing sensual or sexy about this. I go to pull her head back but she growls at me, then starts to bite down.

_Mother fucker!_

Side note: don't interrupt Bella when she's giving head. Then she does something she's never done before. She starts pinching a tiny bit of skin on my sac and the first couple tugs don't feel so bad, but she continues to increase her tug strength. After several seconds, it's unbearable. My erection has completely deflated as has my faith in my wife.

Bella backs up, takes a look at me then says, "Aww, looks like there won't be any rain today, only sunny skies."

She turns, picks up her tea, then strides to the family room. I tuck my tail between my legs and head to the bedroom to dress. Just as I come to the first step, Bella shouts at me above the TV.

"Next time, wash that shit off BEFORE you stick it in my face, asshole!"

And who said married life isn't bliss…


End file.
